Thanksgiving, an eighteen month old, and a three week old.

This last week has been crazy busy, between Thanksgiving, Dave's first call shift post Greta, and a couple of other get togethers, it has been hard to keep up. My heart is so heavy for Stacy. I find myself sitting in bed after my middle of the night nursing sessions fighting to keep the tears back. I am just so sad for her. Greta and I have our trip booked and are looking forward to getting back to St Louis in a couple of weeks.

My sister hosted a smaller Thanksgiving this year, which was actually really nice. It was great to have a more manageable number. Dave was on Heart Hospital call so we were home relatively early, something we are doing more and more often these days.

Greta turned three weeks old on Tuesday and we are starting to see a lot more alertness out of her. It is great to make eye contact and to have her awake a little more frequently throughout the day. Her looks have already changed so much. She is such a lover, I could snuggle her all day. She gave me the gift of a five hour sleep stretch last night, it was pretty amazing.

Sully is busy. He is so funny. He truly lights up our days. There are definite challenges as he still has very few words, but his goofiness makes up for it. He loves to run from room to room yelling and talking in a language only he knows. He is discovering crayons, loves cars and trucks, loves to sort things and is also into stacking things. He is definitely all boy. We put up the Christmas Tree this week, and he is obsessed with pointing at each color of light. I see lots of fun in our future.

Greta, three weeks old.  

Greta's first Thanksgiving. 

Tummy time. 

Silly Sully. 

Sully, all bundled up.

Tubby time with two. 

A blurry week.

Greta and I boarded a plane on Wednesday afternoon and headed to St. Louis. Fortunately, we had coordinated with my best friend, Leanne who lives in Minneapolis. We were able to travel together before meeting another best friend, Jill who flew in from Chicago. These ladies would serve as my crutches for the next 24 hours as we attended Dave Winters' wake and funeral. Greta traveled like a champ, but kept me up most of the night, although I'm not sure if that was due to her fidgeting or my emotions.

The wake was held in a large facility which had a steady stream of people. It took place from 3-8pm and when we left (shortly after 8), there was still a line of people almost to the door. We were greeted by an old Creighton friend who brought us to where Stacy stood. She stood at the far end of a large room with Dave's open casket behind her. On the casket were hand prints done by each of the kids, Samantha's in pink and Tommy's in blue with the words written 'I love you' written in the kid's handwriting. Stacy stood tall, composed, crying at the appropriate times, smiling through her swollen eyes, her small baby bump showing through. I overheard a few comments from people, "I worked with your husband, he was my favorite colleague," or "His smile was contagious." I don't know how she did it, but she did for Dave.

The funeral itself was heart wrenching. There were 13 Celebrants and Deacons who proceeded Stacy and Dave's family. Stacy carried Samantha in while her mom carried Thomas in. The kids were quickly taken to the cry room and Stacy remained between her parents who each had an arm around her, anchoring her through the service. The vocalist was amazing, singing the lyrics "I will come to get you and bring you to where I am" in acapella. Im brought to tears just thinking about it. There were several hundred people there. What a testament to who Dave was.

The burial was at a cemetery which was about 45 minutes from the church. When we were on the highway it seemed there were hazard lights for miles. There were so many cars. It was a rainy day. There was a rainbow of umbrellas at the burial, couples and friends clutching one another for support. Samantha sat perched on Stacy's lap. The burial was brief, and just like that, it was over, but the tears are far from gone.

I caught my flight at 3:30 and missed my connecting flight in Minneapolis due to weather. It made for a long day, but not nearly as long as Stacy's had been. I felt so guilty leaving, but so ready to go home. I still feel that way. I want to be there, but I want to be here, too. I would give anything to be closer to her, to stop by and say hi, to eat lunch, or watch a movie, anything to be more present in her life. Calls and text messages don't feel adequate right now. Greta and I will head back in a few weeks to spend some quality time with her and the kids. I am really looking forward to being there.

Loss.

It is amazing how life can change in a matter of minutes. There is bad news, and then there is tragic news. I have never really experienced a tragedy before this week.

I woke up to nurse Greta at 2:06 on Sunday morning and had a text from my best friend who lives in St Louis asking if I was awake. It had come through around 1:30. I responded that yes, I was now awake nursing, and what was up. Her response was that her husband had been killed in a car accident that evening. She couldn't talk because she was in bed with her 4 year old daughter. My body was instantly flooded with a sick nauseous feeling and I sat in bed for a few seconds before waking Dave. She and I sent a few messages back and forth before she said she was going to rest. My mind was flooded with emotions and questions as to how she would handle life. As mentioned before, she has a 4 year old daughter, in addition to that, she also has a 2 year old son, and is 23 weeks pregnant. I realize my thoughts and concerns pale in comparison to hers.

I spent the greater part of Sunday in my room. I had phone calls from many of our mutual friends who live all over the country. So many of the same questions, why? how? now what? All questions we don't have answers for. There is so much pain, so much agony. One of the messages sent to me said something along the lines of "I keep looking online for some sort of miracle and that this will all go away." I wish I could zoom out and see the bigger picture. I know she will be ok, but she has such a long road ahead.

They were a truly wonderful couple, the kind who had their first wedding dance choreographed, they started with something slow and typical before breaking into a series of fun and wild songs. I remember the entire room standing around the dance floor as together they entertained us all. She is an awesome mother, her kids are her joy. She is a thoughtful friend, sending the most appropriate care packages, custom cds, and cards when I have needed it the most, or the least. He was such a wonderful man. Dave and I had been with them on three different occasions and every time it ended, we would spend weeks or months reminiscing about how great they are. He was the kind of guy who you just wanted to be around, they complimented each other perfectly.

My heart is breaking for her.

Two weeks old.

Greta is two weeks old today. It is amazing, I hardly remember life without her. She is a very chill baby who loves to eat and sleep. Sully is sweet with her, most of the time. He will kiss her on the head one minute and throw things at her the next. We are always on the look out for what might be up his sleeve. So far, no major injuries. She generally sleeps pretty well at night, waking only to eat before snuggling in back in for a few more hours. Dave has been off this week, so we are really trying to focus on our family while we have the chance. It is flying by.

Greta was 8lbs 6oz and 20.5 inches long today at her 2 week check up. At this rate, she will catch up to Sully in no time.

Dave, Sullivan (17 months), Suzie and Greta (11 days).

Check ups

We had both kids in for check ups today, Greta had her newborn weight check and Sully went in for his 18 month check up (although he is closer to 17 months). We had our hands full with kids, coats, bags, and Greta's car seat. Im not sure I could have managed without Dave's help.

I'm happy to report that Greta is a fabulous eater. She completely surprised us with an awesome weight gain. She was was born at 7lbs 6oz, was discharged from the hospital at 6lbs, 15oz last Thursday, and weighed 7lbs 13oz today. Obviously nursing is going well. She is still 20 inches long and her head is 14 inches around.

Greta the Great 

Sully gained about the same amount of weight in the last three months that Greta had in the last 5 days. He is still a little peanut, but a perfect peanut to us. He has grown up so much in the last week, it is amazing. We are working on words (he has very few) and communication overall. He weighs 22lbs 3oz which is the 10th percentile and is 30 1/2 inches long which is the 25th percentile.

Super Sully

Margaret Lynn Munce

Tuesday went really well. We arrived at the hospital at 7am, right on time and things were quickly under way. An IV was started and the medication to induce labor was started before 8am. Dave and I were encouraged to walk the hallways as long as we were up for it, so we walked until about 11 when I decided to have some down time. Maggie was welcome to come as soon as she was able to free herself of Anna and she found her way up to the hospital by about 9:30am. She could hardly stand being home in fear she might miss any excitement. Dr Kallemeyn came in to check on things at 11:40, she broke my water and I was at a 3. The light hearted, relatively pain free day took a labor turn at this time. After 2 hours of contractions that gradually became more painful and frequent, I was ready for an epidural, which was placed by 2:15pm. Things progressed rapidly after this. I dilated from a 6 to a 10 and pushed for 20 minutes before delivering her at 3:28pm. She was 7lbs 6oz and 20 inches long. I was so surprised that she was a she, as soon as she was born, Maggie screamed "its a girl!!", while bawling hysterically. She really wanted Anna to have a shopping buddy when we take our girl trips in the future. Dave was a great coach, rarely leaving my side, calm and collected for the duration of the day, just what I needed. 

Margaret Lynn was named after both of our sisters. She shares a middle name with her late Aunt Julie. I never did know Julie, but from what I gather about her, she would have loved to spoil Greta with love and all things pink. Greta will know her Aunt Maggie well, and I know she will be spoiled with love, pink things, and attention by Julie's daughters, who are already so present in her life. She is one lucky little girl. 

We are home and settling. I am pleasantly surprised with how things are going (I know I have Dave to thank for this). Sully is curious and will pop over and snuggle, kiss, poke or swat her depending on his mood, otherwise he carries on as usual. He is so funny and seems like such a big boy now that Greta is here. I am feeling pretty good, albeit tired. She definitely has her days and nights backwards, but I know that is temporary. We are in sleep survival mode around here for the next few weeks. She really is a dream come true. I was so set on a boy that I didn't even really entertain the girl idea. I'm so glad I got a girl out of the deal :). 

Walking the halls. 

Daddy, Greta, and Mama

Mama and Greta

Margaret Lynn Munce

Picture with Auntie and namesake. 

Sullivan meets his sister. 

Our kiddos 

Sully and Greta

A rainbow of emotions.

Saturday quietly came and went. No contractions, no water breaking, no baby. I was so sure this baby would be here early, especially with all of the hard work I have been doing. My anxiety leading up to the day was impressive, and I figured once the day was behind us, I would chill out a bit. Not really. Fortunately, I had been in to see my doctor last Thursday and she had scheduled me for an induction on Tuesday (tomorrow), so I had that in my corner. There was a way out, I had just hoped it would happen on it's own rather than the medical route.

I have had steady stream of texts and phone calls from friends of family. This baby is already loved so much, its really quite flattering. My replies remain the same, no baby, no excitement. I have had lots of suggestions for how to start labor at home, and I can honestly say I have tried about everything shy of caster oil. Nothing works. This baby is on its own agenda. 

I have been very emotional about Sully as well. It is hard to put into words the feelings I have when we are snuggling quietly before nap or bedtime. I know his life will be filled with fun with a sibling, but I feel like we are robbing him of his single child life so early. Dave keeps reminding me to stay focused on the positive, and it is positive, after all. We are just adding to Sully's sweetness with another baby. I just hope I'm able to give Sully and the baby the attention they both need. Im sure that once I have tomorrow behind me, Ill feel better, its just a matter of getting there. On a positive note, Im really excited to meet this little one, I cant wait to see if its a little boy (my prediction) or if Dave is right and its a little girl. Either way, we already love it to pieces, even if it is taking it's sweet time. 

One last bit of excitement...our house sold! We got the call last night around dinner time. It was the last thing we were expecting at the time, but timing couldn't be better. We were able to get over there this morning to get one of the last carloads of stuff (yes...there is too much stuff). Dave might have one more load to get, but its manageable for him on his own). I'm so glad we can move on and focus on our current home and our growing family. (Now, if only the condo would sell!)

When I check in again, we will be a family of four. As I type, I tear up, There is a wet mark on my t shirt, one more benefit to having a 40+ week size belly, a tear catcher, if you will. I am on quite the emotional roller coaster, and ready to get off... thank goodness the end is near.

All dressed for church (Dave loves to dress him up).

One last look at his first apartment. 

Saying farewell, ugh, here come the emotions again!