A blurry week.

Greta and I boarded a plane on Wednesday afternoon and headed to St. Louis. Fortunately, we had coordinated with my best friend, Leanne who lives in Minneapolis. We were able to travel together before meeting another best friend, Jill who flew in from Chicago. These ladies would serve as my crutches for the next 24 hours as we attended Dave Winters' wake and funeral. Greta traveled like a champ, but kept me up most of the night, although I'm not sure if that was due to her fidgeting or my emotions.

The wake was held in a large facility which had a steady stream of people. It took place from 3-8pm and when we left (shortly after 8), there was still a line of people almost to the door. We were greeted by an old Creighton friend who brought us to where Stacy stood. She stood at the far end of a large room with Dave's open casket behind her. On the casket were hand prints done by each of the kids, Samantha's in pink and Tommy's in blue with the words written 'I love you' written in the kid's handwriting. Stacy stood tall, composed, crying at the appropriate times, smiling through her swollen eyes, her small baby bump showing through. I overheard a few comments from people, "I worked with your husband, he was my favorite colleague," or "His smile was contagious." I don't know how she did it, but she did for Dave.

The funeral itself was heart wrenching. There were 13 Celebrants and Deacons who proceeded Stacy and Dave's family. Stacy carried Samantha in while her mom carried Thomas in. The kids were quickly taken to the cry room and Stacy remained between her parents who each had an arm around her, anchoring her through the service. The vocalist was amazing, singing the lyrics "I will come to get you and bring you to where I am" in acapella. Im brought to tears just thinking about it. There were several hundred people there. What a testament to who Dave was.

The burial was at a cemetery which was about 45 minutes from the church. When we were on the highway it seemed there were hazard lights for miles. There were so many cars. It was a rainy day. There was a rainbow of umbrellas at the burial, couples and friends clutching one another for support. Samantha sat perched on Stacy's lap. The burial was brief, and just like that, it was over, but the tears are far from gone.

I caught my flight at 3:30 and missed my connecting flight in Minneapolis due to weather. It made for a long day, but not nearly as long as Stacy's had been. I felt so guilty leaving, but so ready to go home. I still feel that way. I want to be there, but I want to be here, too. I would give anything to be closer to her, to stop by and say hi, to eat lunch, or watch a movie, anything to be more present in her life. Calls and text messages don't feel adequate right now. Greta and I will head back in a few weeks to spend some quality time with her and the kids. I am really looking forward to being there.