Sister friend.

When I was in the Black Hills I had a voice message (we don't get cell phone or wifi service at the cabin) from my best friend in Stacy in St Louis expressing concern for our best friend, Leanne who lives in Minneapolis. The message was brief, but long enough for me to know it was serious. I immediately called Leanne to find out what was going on. She was in the hospital and almost 24 weeks pregnant with her identical twin boys. Her water had broke and they were trying to hold off labor. She also developed something called twin to twin transfusion. She was so scared.

When we made the decision to come home on Monday, I hoped things would pan out for me to get to Minneapolis to be with her depending on her needs. She ended up delivering Tomas, the smaller of her two babies (due to the twin to twin transfusion) on Sunday, October 12. He weighed 14 ounces and was critical but stable in the NICU. Leanne and I talked daily. Some conversations were good, many were sad. The uncertainty was the biggest demon.

I hit the road on Thursday afternoon. Not knowing my role, I followed her lead. Unfortunately, Thomas had a rough patch, so I went up to sit with her while Joe went to be with Tommy (her water had broke with Will that afternoon). We hugged, cried, laughed, and just spent time together. She sensed some changes and called Joe and her nurse. I stepped out at 10:00pm and noticed a flurry of activity. Joe txted 'Will is coming,' so I sat, meditated, and prayed that everything would be ok. I met them back in her room after delivery, around 11:30pm. Again, Joe went to be with the babies in the NICU. Willem was 1lb 12oz (the bigger of the two due to their condition), he squacked after delivery, just enough to let Leanne know he was here. We spent some more time crying and talking about her week and how it felt like a dream. The nurse was complimenting her on her support system and how great Joe had been and Leanne looked at me, and said, 'and you, Suzie. I can't believe you are here next to me. You are my best sister-friend'. My heart was full, although it was broken for what Leanne was going through. I went back to my room after 1am when Leanne when to see the babies.

I spent Friday morning at the hospital with Leanne. We were able to see the babies. A truly incredible site. The doctor and nurses were so competent and so confident. True gifts from God. I hit the road around 2, anxious to see Dave and the kids.

I received word from Leanne than Will had passed away at about 6pm yesterday. I feel deflated. I feel sad. I feel emotional. I feel vulnerable. But I mostly feel helpless. I received word this evening that Tommy had passed away. My heart breaks all over again. So much pain. So many questions. I have been given these five wonderful people who are the bestest of friends in the whole wide world. We are in 6 different states and three different time zones, but we carry each other. In times of pain, we call and just silently cry to each other, sometimes not even making words. These are the big things in life, this on the heels of Dave Winter's death. We will carry on, it just takes time.